You don't slow roast steaks

As Emma pointed out to me, you don't slow roast steaks. Just for the record.

I wish I lived in Chester, it seems really nice. Hopefully I can move there next year for UNIVERSITY, when I eventually decide to go! One of these times I'll stick it out. Remember that time I went to Edge Hill? That was a YEAR ago. Seriously, it feels like 2 months, and I don't particularly have anything to show since I left. I do miss the gang though; and by that, I mean the 4 or 5 people I spoke to. Its weird how much can change in a year if you want it to, but if you're fairly lazy, how little can! That's a well boring story. Samantha Cairns was the best thing that Edge Hill provided me with.

A lot has happened to me since I last wrote; I won the lottery, bought a plane, moved house, married someone who is also rich, and adopted 3000 malawain babies. Why is EVERYONE leaving work? Like, everyone's going! It's not cool guys, get back and STAY BACK.

I think I'm in love with the 2 girls who auditioned for the X Factor last night, the one that decked the other one. If I was to go on the X Factor, that's EXACTLY how I'd audition. With less use of the word "random" and "ohMAHgod". But I'd also say "Who ARE you?" to a judge, and punch my partner in the face for ruining things. Oh, and tell the audience to shut up. What crowd pleasers those girls turned out to be. They both looked like they'd just been to a funeral buffet too, seriously, the pug faced one had crumbs down her top. Make an effort dear, its the X Factor, not Must be the Music.

I went to Southport the other day, to gain the experience of a jetboat once again, but sadly, Rebecca was too gay for speedboats so I just motor boated her instead. I got to drive. :) FOR ONCE.

Johanna's jumped ship to Uni now aswell. I'm going to miss seeing her all the time. Sad. :(
I think I need topics of discussion for these things now, so if anyone has any suggestions, tell me on facebook and I'll begin to mindlessly rant about them on here!

I'm a bit bored now, so I'm going
Night
xx

Destination JAPAN

I don't like to go on. Actually no, I love to go on. Especially when it's about me. But my hands are too fat to type, like Michelle McManus has been stung by several bees, so I'll just bullet point my previous months

• Decided "actually ney, I don't want a 2nd chance at education, I'm just going to stay here and sell shoes for another year"


• Frankie bore a child, Hendrix, he's right adorable


• The Graphics Crew came to a timely demise, for good.


• Natalie and Jess resumed post in FRANCAIS


• Lost ended! BOO!


• Maude Flanders appeared in another Simpsons flashback. AWESOME.


• I turned 20, and spent the morning of my birthday drunk, dressed as Meg Griffin with a Mime, a clown, a gangster, a cow, Freddy Mercury, and David and Josh, dressed as daywalkers, at the Brockett waiting for it to open. Enjoyable.


• I had to bid farewell to Ayler, Nami and Brendan and Akiyo, as they went home to Japan. Sad days, but I like to dwell on the positive. And Skype exists, so its getting better


• I then decided, hang on, Japan is nicer than England, I'm gonna move there in January 2011 me!
  
• Continue to work at JD. New people joined. Mostly good. MOSTLY.

Caught up. Good? I'm sure you'll be able to find me on someones photos in the background looking like a milked cow.

It's bad that 2 years on, I still don't have much to talk about. Everyone else appears to have done something with their lives, but saying that, I'm relatively happy and I'm clearly the Chandler of this little game. So whatever, it'll all work out when I win the lottery. At least 2 years ago we didn't have Jedward: Let Loose. Tuesday at 9 on ITV2.

Currently in life, I'm having a reasonably fun time! I have lovely friends, most of which are laid back and I'm a high maintainence burden. But my charm makes up for it. I lost a few good people this year, but I firmly believe if all is meant to work out, then it will. And as long as everyone's happy doing what they're doing, then so be it :). I basically have a routine set up; Quiz on Monday, Free play (usually work) Tuesday-Thursday; Wigan Friday; Work Saturday-Sunday. That's about as busy as it gets, and as you can see, it doesn't get very busy. I also worked out there's not much point attempting a love life when you're hanging around waiting for something that's never gonna happen, no matter how much it seems like it is at the time. But, look at me, I won't be on the shelf much longer.

I

Am

A

Catch

Do you know what I don't like? The following situations when selling shoes:

• "Can I have this in an 8 AND a 9."
  No- Learn your size. Or get off your stupid face and do some parenting and discover your child's shoe size, or keep your womb emptier next time


• "When you were in the back getting my shoe, taking time out of your day, I saw this other shoe I like better, can I have this one?"
  No- You don't go into a resteraunt, order chicken and then go "ACTUALLY NEY LAD IM GUNT FURT HAVE STEAK INSTEAD." Nobody will put up with your shit, why should I? Granted, I don't slow roast a shoe, but still, have a fucking look around first!


• "Can you feel his toe?"
  No- Refer back to the closage of your womb. Bend the fuck down and do it yourself


• "Do you have this in a size 6 and 2.354? No? Why not?" *Sulks*
  No- What the HELL do you think we have back there? A factory? Am I supposed to make shoes for your ridiculously fussy feet? LEARN TO FIT IN THESE ONES. Or get out.


• "Can I have discount off, these shoes are on display"
  No- They've been on display in a shoe shop. Not a zoo. What's really the worst thing that could have happened to/in this shoe.


• "Do you work here?"
  No- I just tend to walk around JD in a top saying "JD Crew", relacing shoes. I'm the Mother Teresa of the footwear community.


• "You know these shoes on the rack, are they the last ones or do you have more?"
  If you took a second of your time to look upwards, there's a sign saying "Last Few". I'm not your mother, do some investigating.


• "Can you get that shoe there for me" *Nods towards wall*
  It's a big wall pal, wanna narrow that one down?
  
• "Have you got them PTs wiv black"
  Black, is a reasonably popular colour. Come on.

Seriously, I'm a nice person. I'm never going to say ANY of these things to a customer, because I don't want to be punched. But yeah, COME ON.
NIGHT xx

Ps. Welldone Myke for getting out of the country, and doing something.

Also apply this to Natalie, Jess, Rachael, Emma and various other bastards who abandoned me.